"You got crack paraphernalia in your spaghetti noodles, ma'am. You need to check these things so you don't start cooking it and eat it." - Fort Worth, TX Police Officer
Cops: Caught in the Act DVD Review
By Miss Behavior, tvdvdreviews.com's Resident Etiquette Expert
Just when Miss Behavior has finished delousing herself after watching the poor-mannered women in Cops: Bad Girls, she finds herself being asked to view Cops: Caught in the Act. This is truly a terrifying prospect, for while those people caught on tape by the producers of Cops "are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law," they are all guilty of lamentable uncivilized behavior. Once again, however, Miss Behavior will subject herself to their repulsive deeds in order to share with you, my readers, pointers on how not to behave. Miss Behavior does this willingly because she feels that better manners are within the reach of just about everyone, including those antisocial people who like to watch DVDs.
Tourists should always be on their best behavior: Tourists, ultimately, are the guests of the places they choose to visit. Chances are if one found oneself visiting the home of a relative, one would refrain from getting drunk, exposing oneself, beating up others, and destroying the relative's home. Visitors to New Orleans' French Quarter apparently have trouble understanding this simple concept. Always follow the lead of your hosts. New Orleanians are far too busy battling killer termites, preventing their waterlogged city from sinking into the Mississippi, and attempting to eat any strange creature they can catch in the Gulf of Mexico to carouse in the French Quarter.
Never run down police officers with your car: This is true even if you are fleeing the scene of a crack deal. Like the hapless Forth Worth, TX crack head shown here, you may end up wrecking your old clunker into a Coke machine.
Drag racing belongs in terrible Vin Diesel movies, not on city streets: If the urge to race is too great, however, be sure to check your rearview mirror to make sure that a policeman is not immediately behind you. Stupidity, after all, is far worse than racing.
Drugs do not encourage good behavior: This is well-illustrated by the Philadelphia, PA drug addict who attempts to inconspicuously steal a car.and then proceeds to hit four or five parked cars in his angel dust-fueled stupor. And by the rat-tailed Matthew McConaughey look-alike who rams into a parked police car after one-too-many Meister Braus and marijuana tokes.
Smoking is bad for one's health: Shoving four cartons of cigarettes down one's pants in a Kansas City, Missouri, grocery store - and then denying it even after watching oneself plainly doing so on video surveillance - is even worse. Especially when one lights up a cigarette in the middle of questioning.
Gardening is a fun and relaxing hobby: Personally, Miss Behavior loves to raise orchids and cooking herbs. There are many flowers and plants that one can choose. Marijuana, however, should be chosen only of one prefers to relax in a jail cell with a man named Big Guido who resents his loss of conjugal rights.
