“And to top it all, I have until 5:30 tonight to decide whether to plunge 300 grand into a shipment of weapons-grade estrogen.” – Camilla Diamond (Anna Chancellor) on the woes of running a suburban street gang
Suburban Shootout: Complete First Series DVD Review
By A.J. Carson
Joyce (Amelia Bullmore) and Jeremy Hazeldine (Ralph Ineson) couldn’t be happier. They’ve abandoned life in the big city for the clean, sleepy town of Little Stempington, where Jeremy has been named Chief of Police. But Joyce hasn’t even unpacked when she discovers that her fellow suburbanites are as prickly as the hedgehog boot cleaner that sits outside her front door. It seems that Little Stempington is so tidy and carefree because it is run by a pair of rival female gangs, both of which want to recruit her. Joyce’s life quickly becomes a blend of Desperate Housewives and The Sopranos in Suburban Shootout: Complete First Series.
The gangs are run by Camilla Diamond (Anna Chancellor) and Barbara Du Prez (Felicity Montagu). Camilla and Barb were once best friends. When they discovered a vandal ripping apart Camilla’s house, they beat him to death with golf clubs. Right then and there, they decided never to let hoodlums besmirch their town again. Soon they were forcing graffiti artists to clean up their messes at gunpoint. And you don’t really want to know the penalty for not cleaning up after your dog.
Barb and her friends Pam Draper (Lucy Robinson)—referred to by Barb as “kind, devoted, [and the] best dirty street fighter I’ve ever seen”—and Margaret Littlefair (Cathryn Bradshaw)—a sweet soul who couldn’t hit the side of a barn with a cannonball but still loves to carry an Uzi—were content with simply keeping the town free of riffraff. But Camilla and her loyal subjects Hilary Davenport (Rachael Blake)—a total babe not unwilling to use her sexuality to get her way—and Lillian Gordon-Moore (Emma Kennedy)—a butch hellion who kills for sport—decided that their new-found strength could be put to better use. Why stop at forcing teens to pick up dog poop when they could extort money from local businesses, get steep discounts (and personal parking places) at the supermarket, and make loads of cash in the process? This soon caused a rift, splitting the gang in two.
Now, with Joyce in town, each side sees her as a way to bring the other down. With a deal to purchase black-market estrogen patches nearly complete, Camilla wants the Chief of Police’s wife on her side, so she frames her in the bombing of a local shop that fell behind in its protection payments. Barb thinks that she can use Joyce to infiltrate her rivals. And Joyce? Well, she just wants to go home and unpack.
The performances and dialogue are pitch perfect. When Camilla sends Joyce to strong-arm the town librarian who refuses to double late fees in order to bring more money to the gang, the librarian ends up plunging off of the library’s roof. This sends Joyce into a tizzy, but Camilla takes it in stride.
Joyce: I don’t know how you can be so casual about what happened today.
Camilla: Don’t be silly, Joyce. We can always get a new librarian.
Joyce: What? She’s got a husband and children. I can’t imagine what they’re dealing with at the moment.
Camilla: She’s a lesbian spinster who preyed on teenage single mothers.
Joyce: Really?
Camilla: Really. Now let’s talk about something important, shall we?
Like the big screen parody Hot Fuzz
Let’s face it, it’s also fun to see women wield guns with the same casual viciousness that is normally reserved for men. These ladies store their guns in Tupperware, whip up Viagra-laced Baked Alaska, and plot against each other with impunity. By the final episode, with its charity auction featuring Rod Stewart’s thong and Cliff Richards’ glittered headband, you’ll be begging for more.
